Some of the most committed members of CrossFit and Jiu Jitsu gyms are not the athletes, competitors, or highly disciplined types you might expect. They share a grounded mindset that accepts challenges without waiting for things to click, does not take setbacks personally, and quietly shows up day after day. Over time, this hidden trait makes them invaluable to their gym community and an example of steady resilience.
I have always been fascinated with a particular group of people who stick with CrossFit or Jiu Jitsu long term. They're not the obvious candidates. They are not lifelong athletes, military veterans, or the obsessively disciplined types. Many are average by any measure. Many of them start off severely out of shape. And yet years later they are still showing up, quietly becoming a valued, long term member of their gym community while many others come and go. Surprisingly, for many of them, it also is their first gym membership of any kind.
When somebody new walks in for their first class or free introductory session, many coaches often wonder to themselves if they'll stick around based on very limited information. Almost like a game. It's fun to look back to that first day when a new potential member that seemed least likely to come back even for day two, ends up becoming a leader at the gym for years.
It's always the ones you'd least expect.
It's easy to see the appeal of CrossFit and martial arts to the physically gifted. Those competitive types that are always looking for ways to challenge themselves. It even makes sense for those seeking connection knowing the importance of community in overall health. Then there's those that are desperately in need of help with specific goals in weight loss or other health related reasons.
But what about this unassuming and relatively quiet group of people that don't seem to check any of those traditional boxes? What makes them tick?
At first I thought it was some kind of strength of will or mental toughness that I just missed. Then I remembered Admiral James Stockdale, who spent over seven years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam. In interviews, he explained that the prisoners who struggled the most were often the optimists who told themselves, “We’ll be out by Christmas,” or “Surely this will all be over by spring.” When those dates came and went without change, the disappointment crushed them. Stockdale’s own survival hinged on what later became known as the Stockdale Paradox: the ability to confront the brutal reality of your situation while maintaining the faith that you will prevail in the end. Whenever that happens to be. Life in the gym is, of course, nothing like a POW camp, but the psychology is worth noting. Some people, when they try CrossFit or BJJ do so with the thinking that one day everything will click with some kind of 'Aha' moment. And when that milestone never arrives, a lot of times they quit. So what is it about those people that didn’t throw in the towel? What about these seemingly 'regular' people leads them to stick around while the others do not?
It seems to me that it's part of who they are. Grounded in reality and not holding out hope for something that can't possibly be accurately predicted or even identified. They do not wait for the magical day when everything clicks and gets easy. They keep showing up, accept that it will be hard at times, and continue moving forward.
And like Stockdale, they don’t get their hopes up in expectation of something only to be disappointed when it doesn’t arrive.
There are many reasons people quit early on and most have little to do with the physical difficulty itself. Ego is often the biggest issue for those that aren't prepared to be humbled. Some people experience coaching for the first time and take it as criticism, or they feel singled out because they aren't used to the individual attention. Others cannot see the value in being corrected, don't think they need it, or prefer to be left alone. And sometimes it's just not a fit, and that is fine. But the group I am describing seems to approach things optimally without having to try. They do not let a rough class live in their head or overanalyze. They don't seem to be overly concerned with what others may think about them. They also don't seem to worry about where they stand in the pecking order. And they definitely don’t take things personally.
In CrossFit, one example I've identified in this type of person is in scaling their workouts. When someone isn't able to do pull-ups, they will often substitute a much easier movement by doing 'ring rows' instead. On one hand, there are those that will look at this modification and wonder how long it'll take to be able to do regular pull-ups. Or they may feel embarrassed that they can't do them or even jealous of those that can. They'll wonder how long it'll take to be able to get there or maybe even wonder if they ever will.
And some people just do the ring rows instead of pull-ups and seem grateful that the coach took the time to show them how and explain why.
Think of two white belts who both get tapped out ten times. One goes home devastated, lies awake at night replaying every failure, wondering if the misery will ever end. The other goes home, notices his elbow hurts, thinks about it for a minute in admiration, "Wow, those guys are good". and then decides he should tap earlier next time. Is that a conscious mental shift? It's not denial or lack of self awareness. It's just a way some people treat setbacks as information rather than as proof that they are incapable.
Far too many of us are way too hard on ourselves. We hold ourselves to very high standards in everything we do. We constantly analyze our shortcomings and dwell on the opinions of others. This isn't something that can be easily changed, but maybe it's something worth giving a try.
Optimistic yet unaffected by the occasional and often brutal reminder known as reality. They just keep going.
Quietly flying under the radar. I’ve grown to appreciate the way these people are able to take everything in stride with realistic expectations and no need for validation from others.
Over time these people become a major part of what makes a great gym. Beginners are drawn to them because they are respected by everyone regardless of their rank or physical abilities. Their approachable nature is also why they are often the helpful neighbor or the coworker you feel comfortable venting to. They are not trying to be inspirational. In fact, it doesn't seem like they're trying to be anything at all other than who they are.
Maybe these 'regular people' aren't regular at all but exceptional in many ways.
So If you have never tried CrossFit or Jiu Jitsu because you do not see yourself as the type, maybe you should. Our independent gym owners of Gym Force recognize these traits and see the value they add to their gyms. The great gyms of Gym Force aren't built around super athletes and adrenaline junkies. Their communities thrive in the diversity of their members from all walks of life and embrace them for who they truly are.